35. Peh--goe̍h, in-ūi sîn-keng soe-jio̍k | 八月, 因為神經衰弱

35. Peh--goe̍h, in-ūi sîn-keng soe-jio̍k

Āu lâi, yi khin-siaⁿ khai-sí kóng, peh-goe̍h hūn, in-ūi sîn-keng soe-jio̍k, kúi-kò-goe̍h êng-êng bô tāi-chì.

"Góa kiaⁿ-e ē khí-siáu. M̄-chai án-nóa, góa piàⁿ-miā tih siūⁿ, m̄-koh lóng siūⁿ bē thong, liân ka-tī mā siūⁿ-bô. He chiâⁿ khó-phà. Chi̍t-tiap-á to khùn bē khì. Kan-ta khì iàn-hōe ê sî, chiah khah chiâⁿ-iūⁿ. Góa chò chióng-chióng ê bāng. Pūiⁿ mā chia̍h bē hó-sè. Joa̍h-thiⁿ-sî, góa gia̍h thâu-mo͘-chiam chhak tatami, chhak lo̍h koh thiu chhut-lâi, thiu liáu koh chhak, bô chi̍t-sî thêng."

"Kúi--goe̍h chhut-lâi chò gē-tòaⁿ ê?"

"La̍k--goe̍h. Nā-bô, hoān-sè góa taⁿ í-keng tī Hamamatsu (浜松) ah."

"Khì hia khiā-ke?"

Komako tìm-thâu. Yi kóng, Hamamatsu hit-ê cha-po͘-lâng tiu-tiu tîⁿ boeh hām yi kiat-hun, m̄-koh yi pēng bô kah-ì i, chin khùn-jiáu.

"Nā bô kah-ì, ná ē khùn-jiáu?"

"M̄-sī án-ne kóng."

"Kiat-hun ū hiah bê-lâng oh?"

"Thó-ià! M̄-sī án-ne lah. Nā bô kā sin-piⁿ ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ an-pâi thò-tòng, góa sī bē hòng-sim ê lah."

"Hmh."

"Lí ê lâng chhìn-chhìn chhái-chhái."

"M̄-koh, lí hām Hamamatsu hit-ê cha-po͘ ū sáⁿ koan-hē?"

"Nā ū, tō bē khùn-jiáu ah-lah." Komako kian-sim kóng. "M̄-koh i kóng, góa nā tī chia, i tō m̄-chún góa hām pa̍t-lâng kiat-hun. Bô-lūn án-nóa, i lóng boeh kă phò-hoāi."

"Chia lī Hamamatsu hiah hūiⁿ, lí ná tio̍h hoân-ló he?"

Komako tiām chi̍t-khùn, tó tī hia hiáng-siū ka-tī hûn-su ê sio-ho. Hut-leh koh nauh chi̍t-kù:

"Hit-chūn góa siūⁿ-kóng ū-sin ah. Heh, heh. Taⁿ koh siūⁿ khí-lâi, chiâⁿ hó-chhiò. Heh, heh, heh."

Ná án-ne chhiò, yi hûn-su kiu-kiu, siang-chhiú tēⁿ tī Shimamura ê saⁿ-á-niá, ná-chhiūⁿ chi̍t-ê gín-á.

Yi he ba̍k-chiu-mo͘ cha̍t koh ba̍t, kheh-kheh ê sî khòaⁿ-tio̍h ká-ná sī ba̍k-chiu sió-khóa peh-khui. 

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35. 八月, 因為神經衰弱

後來, 她輕聲開始講, 八月份, 因為神經衰弱, 幾個月閒閒無代誌.

"我驚 e 會起痟. 毋知 án-nóa, 我拚命 tih 想, 毋過攏想袂通, 連家治 mā 想無. 彼誠可怕. Chi̍t-tiap-á to 睏袂去. 干焦去宴會 ê 時, 才較成樣. 我做種種 ê 夢. Pūiⁿ mā 食袂好勢. 熱天時, 我攑頭毛簪鑿 tatami, 鑿落 koh 抽出來, 抽了 koh 鑿, 無一時停."

"幾月出來做藝旦 ê?"

"六月. 若無, 凡勢我今已經 tī Hamamatsu (浜松) ah."

"去遐徛家?"

Komako tìm 頭. 她講, Hamamatsu 彼个查埔人 tiu-tiu 纏欲和她結婚, 毋過她並無佮意伊, 真困擾.

"若無佮意, 那會困擾?"

"毋是 án-ne 講."

"結婚有 hiah 迷人 oh?"

"討厭! 毋是 án-ne lah. 若無 kā 身邊 ê 物件安排妥當, 我是袂放心 ê lah."

"Hmh."

"你 ê 人凊凊彩彩."

"毋過, 你和 Hamamatsu 彼个查埔有啥關係?"

"若有, tō 袂困擾 ah-lah." Komako 堅心講. "毋過伊講, 我若 tī 遮, 伊 tō 毋准我和別人結婚. 無論 án-nóa, 伊攏欲 kă 破壞."

"遮離 Hamamatsu hiah hūiⁿ, 你那著煩惱 he?"

Komako 恬一睏, 倒 tī 遐享受家治魂軀 ê 燒熇. 忽 leh koh nauh 一句:

"彼陣我想講有身 ah. Heh, heh. 今 koh 想起來, 誠好笑. Heh, heh, heh."

Ná án-ne 笑, 她魂軀勼勼, 雙手捏 tī Shimamura ê 衫仔領, ná 像一个囡仔.

她 he 目睭毛 cha̍t koh 密, 瞌瞌 ê 時看著 ká-ná 是目睭小可擘開. 

--

35.

All through August she had been near nervous collapse, she told him quietly.

"I thought I'd go mad. I kept brooding over something, and I didn't know myself what it was. It was terrifying. I couldn't sleep. I kept myself under control only when I went out to a party. I had all sorts of dreams, and I lost my appetite. I would sit there jabbing at the floor for hours on end, all through the hottest part of the day."

"When did you first go out as a geisha?"

"In June. I thought for a while I might go to Hamamatsu."

"Get married?"

She nodded. The man had been after her to marry him, but she couldn't like him. She had had great trouble deciding what to do.

"But if you didn't like him, what were you so undecided about?"

"It's not that simple."

"Marriage has so much charm?"

"Don't be nasty. It's more that 1 want to have everything around me tidy and in order." Shimamura grunted.

"You're not a very satisfying person, you know." "Was there something between you and the

man from Hamamatsu?"

She flung out her answer: "If there had been, do you think 1 would have hesitated? But he said that as long as 1 stayed here, he wouldn't let me marry anyone else. He said he would do everything possible to stand in the way."

"But what could he do from as far away as Hamamatsu? You worried about that?"

Komako stretched out for a time, enjoying the warmth of her body. When she spoke again, her tone was quite casual. "I thought 1 was pregnant." She giggled. "It seems ridiculous when 1 look back on it now."

She curled up like a little child, and grabbed at the neck of his kimono with her two fists.

The rich eyelashes again made him think that her eyes were half open.

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