75. I koan-chhat thâng-thōa ê sí-bông
Yi ê āu-niá hiàn-hiàn, āu-niā kàu keng-thâu ná chi̍t-ki tián khui ê pe̍h khôe-sìⁿ. He pe̍h-hún boah kāu-kāu ê ki-hu, pûi-núi kah boeh bô-siá-sì, ná mô͘ ê pò͘, koh ná tōng-bu̍t ê khoán.
"Tong-kin ê sè-kài tō sī án-ne." Shimamura nauh chi̍t-ē. He ōe khang-khak koh peng-léng, m̄-koh Komako tan-sûn kā ìn:
"It-ti̍t lóng mā sī án-ne."
Yi thâu taⁿ khí-lâi, chhìn-chhái koh ke chi̍t-kù:
"Che lí kám m̄-chai?"
Yi he tah kha-chiah-phiaⁿ ê âng lāi-saⁿ khòaⁿ bē tio̍h ah.
Shimamura tng-tih hoan-e̍k Valéry hām Alain ê chok-phín, iáu ū Franse chhut-pán ê Rusia balet-bú chhiang-sēng sî-tāi ê bú-tō lí-lūn. I chún-pī boeh chū-hùi chhut-pán, kan-ta boeh súi-súi ìn chió-chió kúi-pún. Chit-lō chheh tùi tong-kin ê Ji̍t-pún bú-tō-kài kin-pún bô-lō͘-iōng, mā ē-sái kóng, án-ne chò kan-ta hō͘ i ka-tī sim-an. I iōng ka-tī ê khang-khòe lâi khau-sé ka-tī, án-ne lâi an-ùi ka-tī, lâi gô͘-lo̍k ka-tī. I he khó-liân ê, ná bîn-bāng ê sè-kài tō án-ne lâi seⁿ-chiâⁿ. Tō-kóng chhut-mûi lí-hêng, i mā bô su-iàu kóaⁿ-kín.
I siâng-sè koan-chhat thâng-thōa ut-būn sí-bông ê chêng-hêng.
Chhiu thiⁿ lú liâng, i pâng-keng ê tatami téng, ta̍k-kang lóng ū thâng-thōa sí tī hia. Tēng-khak ê ku-á chi̍t péng-sin tō peh bē khí-lâi. Phang sô kúi-pō͘ tō tó loeh. Ná-chhiūⁿ kùi-cheh ê piàn-hòa, in tō chū-jiân sí-bông. Sí ê sî sui-jiân tiām chiuh-chiuh, m̄-koh nā siâng-sè kā khòaⁿ, in ê kha a̍h-sī chhiok-kak iáu ē kan-khó͘ chùn-tāng. Thâng-thōa sí-bông ê sió-sió só͘-chāi, peh-tè tatami khòaⁿ khí-lâi sī chin khòng-khoah.
Shimamura iōng chéng-thâu-á ni sí ê thâng-thōa boeh hiat tiāu, hut-jiân siūⁿ tio̍h lâu tī chhù lih ê gín-á.
Ū-ê ia̍h-á, khòaⁿ sī it-ti̍t heⁿh tī thih-se-thang, kî-si̍t í-keng sí ah, ná-chhiūⁿ ta hio̍h án-ne lak lo̍h. Mā ū ùi piah téng liàn lo̍h-lâi ê. Kā khioh khí-lâi khòaⁿ, Shimamura kám-kak, in ná ē seⁿ-chò chiah-nī-á súi ah.
Cha̍h báng-thâng ê thih-se-thang i-keng pak lo̍h, thâng-siaⁿ mā chám-jiân-á tiām ah.
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75. 伊觀察蟲豸 ê 死亡
她 ê 後領現現, 後陵到肩頭 ná 一支展開 ê 白葵扇. He 白粉抹厚厚 ê 肌膚, 肥 núi kah 欲無捨世, ná 毛 ê 布, koh ná 動物 ê 款.
"當今 ê 世界 tō 是 án-ne." Shimamura nauh 一下. 彼話空殼 koh 冰冷, 毋過 Komako 單純 kā 應:
"一直攏 mā 是 án-ne."
她頭 taⁿ 起來, 凊彩 koh 加一句:
"這你敢毋知?"
她 he 貼尻脊骿 ê 紅內衫看袂著 ah.
Shimamura 當 tih 翻譯 Valéry 和 Alain ê 作品, 猶有 Franse 出版 ê Rusia balet 舞 chhiang 盛時代 ê 舞蹈理論. 伊準備欲自費出版, 干焦欲媠媠印少少幾本. Chit-lō 冊對當今 ê 日本舞蹈界根本無路用, mā 會使講, án-ne 做干焦予伊家治心安. 伊用家治 ê 工課來剾洗家治, án-ne 來安慰家治, 來娛樂家治. 伊 he 可憐 ê, ná 眠夢 ê 世界 tō án-ne 來生成. Tō 講出 mûi 旅行, 伊 mā 無需要趕緊.
伊詳細觀察蟲豸鬱悶死亡 ê 情形.
秋天 lú 涼, 伊房間 ê tatami 頂, 逐工攏有蟲豸死 tī 遐. tēng 殼 ê 龜仔一 péng 身 tō peh 袂起來. 蜂趖幾步 tō 倒 loeh. Ná 像季節 ê 變化, in tō 自然死亡. 死 ê 時雖然恬 chiuh-chiuh, 毋過若詳細 kā 看, in ê 跤抑是觸角猶會艱苦顫動. 蟲豸死亡 ê 小小所在, 八塊 tatami 看起來是真曠闊.
Shimamura 用指頭仔 ni 死 ê 蟲豸欲㧒掉, 忽然想著留 tī 厝 lih ê 囡仔.
有 ê 蝶仔, 看是一直 heⁿh tī 鐵紗窗, 其實已經死 ah, ná 像焦葉 án-ne lak 落. Mā 有 ùi 壁頂輾落來 ê. Kā 抾起來看, Shimamura 感覺, in 那會生做 chiah-nī-á 媠 ah.
閘蠓蟲 ê 鐵紗窗已經剝落, 蟲聲 mā 嶄然仔恬 ah.
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75.
Her kimono stood out from her neck, and her back and shoulders were like a white fan spread under it. There was something sad about the full flesh under that white powder. It suggested a woolen cloth, and again it suggested the pelt of some animal.
"In the world as it is," he murmured, chilled at the sterility of the words even as he spoke.
But Komako only replied: "As it always has been." She raised her head and added absentmindedly: "You didn't know that?"
The red under-kimono clinging to her skin disappeared as she looked up.
Shimamura was translating Valery and Alain, and French treatises on the dance from the golden age of the Russian ballet. He meant to bring them our in a small luxury edition at his own expense. The book would in all likelihood contribute nothing to the Japanese dancing world. One could nonetheless say, if pressed, that it would bring aid and comfort to Shimamura. He pampered himself with the somewhat whimsical pleasure of sneering at himself through his work, and it may well have been from such a pleasure that his sad little dream world sprang. Off on a trip, he saw no need to hurry himself.
He spent much of his time watching insects in their death agonies.
Each day, as the autumn grew colder, insects died on the floor of his room. Stiff-winged insects fell on their backs and were unable to get to their feet again. A bee walked a little and collapsed, walked a little and collapsed. It was a quiet death that came with the change of seasons. Looking closely, however, Shimamura could see that the legs and feelers were trembling in the struggle to live. For such a tiny death, the empty eight-mat room seemed enormous.
As he picked up a dead insect to throw it out, he sometimes thought for an instant of the children he had left in Tokyo.
A moth on the screen was still for a very long time. It too was dead, and it fell to the earth like a dead leaf. Occasionally a moth fell from the wall. Taking it up in his hand, Shimamura would wonder how to account for such beauty.
The screens were removed, and the singing of the insects was more subdued and lonely day by day.
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