89. Chit-pái lâi chia tòa chin kú | 這擺來遮蹛真久

89. Chit-pái lâi chia tòa chin kú

Put-jî-kò, Shimamura thiaⁿ tio̍h Yoko tī e̍k-keng chhiùⁿ ê koa, hut-jiân siūⁿ tio̍h, chit-ê ko͘-niû nā-kóng seⁿ tī kó͘-chá, hoān-sè mā ē tī pháng-se-chhia a̍h chit-pò͘-ki piⁿ-á, pàng-siaⁿ án-ne chhiùⁿ-koa pah. Yoko ê koa khak-si̍t tō-sī hit-chióng ê koa.

Pí mo͘ koh-khah iù ê môa-si, nā bô seh ê thian-jiân sip-khì tō bô hó chhú-lí, im-léng ê kùi-cheh thōng hó. Kó͘-chá lâng tō ū án-ne ê kóng-hoat: kôaⁿ-thiⁿ chit ê môa-se, joa̍h-thiⁿ chhēng tio̍h kui-sin liâng-sóng, che sī im-iâng ê chū-jiân koan-hē. Kā Shimamura khîⁿ óa-óa ê Komako, ká-ná mā ū kin-pún-tek lāi-chāi ê liâng-sóng. In-ūi án-ne, ùi Komako hoat-siā chhut-lâi ê jia̍t-chêng, hō͘ Shimamura kám-kak khó-liân.

M̄-koh, chit-chióng ài sī bē chhiūⁿ jiâu-se án-ne lâu lo̍h sáⁿ-mih ū-hêng ê mi̍h-kiāⁿ. Hûn-su chhēng ê jiâu-se, sui-jiân sī kang-gē-phín tiong-kan siāng té-miā ê, nā kā hó-hó pó-koán, gō͘-cha̍p-nî a̍h koh-khah chá ê jiâu-se, chiàu-siâng chhēng tī hûn-su mā bē thè-sek. Iah lán-lâng ê chhin-ài, soah bô jiâu-se ê siū-miā hiah kú. Shimamua gāng-gāng án-ne siūⁿ ê sî, hut-jiân iū phû chhut ūi pa̍t-ê cha-po͘ seⁿ-kiáⁿ, chò lāu-bú ê Komako ê hêng-iáⁿ. I tio̍h chi̍t-kiaⁿ, sì-kè khòaⁿ-khòaⁿ leh, kám-kak tāi-khài ka-tī siuⁿ thiám ah-lah.

Shimamura chit-pái lâi chia tòa chin kú, ká-ná bē-kì-lih boeh túiⁿ in bó͘ hia. Pēng m̄-sī pàng bē-lī, mā m̄-sī bô ài hun-lī, kan-ta sī í-keng koàn-sì tán Komako tiāⁿ-tiāⁿ lâi hām i sio-hōe. Jî-chhiáⁿ, Komako oa̍t-lú ap-pek tui-kiû, Shimamura oa̍t-lú chek-pī ka-tī, ká-ná ka-tī bô chûn-chāi. Iā-tō-sī, bêng-chai ka-tī ko͘-toaⁿ, i kan-ta sī tai-tai tī hia bô tín-tāng. 

Komako ná ē chông ji̍p ka-tī ê seng-oa̍h, Shimamura mā bē-hiáu kái-soeh. Shimamura liáu-kái Komako ê it-chhè, m̄-koh Komako pēng bô liáu-kái Shimamura. Komako lòng tio̍h piah ê khang-hi hôe-siaⁿ, hō͘ Shimamura thiaⁿ tio̍h ká-ná sī seh lo̍h tī ka-tī ê sim-lāi. Tong-jiân, Shimamura mā bô khó-lêng it-ti̍t chiah-nī bô chām-chat.

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89. 這擺來遮蹛真久

不而過, Shimamura 聽著 Yoko tī 浴間唱 ê 歌, 忽然想著, 這个姑娘若講生 tī 古早, 凡勢 mā 會 tī 紡紗車 a̍h 織布機邊仔, 放聲 án-ne 唱歌 pah. Yoko ê 歌確實 tō 是彼種 ê 歌.

比毛閣較幼 ê 麻絲, 若無雪 ê 天然濕氣 tō 無好處理, 陰冷 ê 季節 thōng 好. 古早人 tō 有 án-ne ê 講法: 寒天織 ê 麻紗, 熱天穿著規身涼爽, 這是陰 iâng ê 自然關係. Kā Shimamura khîⁿ 倚倚 ê Komako, ká-ná mā 有根本的內在 ê 涼爽. 因為 án-ne, ùi Komako 發射出來 ê 熱情, 予 Shimamura 感覺可憐.

毋過, 這種愛是袂像皺紗 án-ne 留落啥物有形 ê 物件. 魂軀穿 ê 皺紗, 雖然是工藝品中間上短命 ê, 若 kā 好好保管, 五十年 a̍h 閣較早 ê 皺紗, 照 siâng 穿 tī 魂軀 mā 袂退色. Iah 咱人 ê 親愛, 煞無皺紗 ê 壽命 hiah 久. Shimamua 愣愣 án-ne 想 ê 時, 忽然又浮出為別个查埔生囝, 做老母 ê Komako ê 形影. 伊著一驚, 四界看看 leh, 感覺大概家治傷忝 ah-lah.

Shimamura 這擺來遮蹛真久, ká-ná 袂記 lih 欲 túiⁿ in 某遐. 並毋是放袂離, mā 毋是無愛分離, 干焦是已經慣勢等 Komako 定定來和伊相會. 而且, Komako 越 lú 壓迫追求, Shimamura 越 lú 責備家治, ká-ná 家治無存在. 也 tō 是, 明知家治孤單, 伊干焦是呆呆 tī 遐無振動. 

Komako 那會傱入家治 ê 生活, Shimamura mā 袂曉解說. Shimamura 了解 Komako ê 一切, 毋過 Komako 並無了解 Shimamura. Komako 挵著壁 ê 空虛回聲, 予 Shimamura 聽著 ká-ná 是雪落 tī 家治 ê 心內. 當然, Shimamura mā 無可能一直 chiah-nī 無站節.

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89.

When he heard the song Yoko sang in the bath, it had come to him that, had she been born long ago, she might have sung thus as she worked over her spools and looms, so exactly suited to the fancy was her voice.

The thread of the grass-linen, finer than animal hair, is difficult to work except in the humidity of the snow, it is said, and the dark, cold season is therefore ideal for weaving. The ancients used to add that the way this product of the cold has of feeling cool to the skin in the hottest weather is a play of the principles of light and darkness. This Komako too, who had so fastened herself to him, seemed at center cool, and the remarkable, concentrated warmth was for that fact all the more touching.

But this love would leave behind it nothing so definite as a piece of Chijimi. Though cloth to be worn is among the most short-lived of craftworks, a good piece of Chijimi, if it has been taken care of, can be worn quite unfaded a half-century and more after weaving. As Shimamura thought absently how human intimacies have not even so long a life, the image of Komako as the mother of another man's children suddenly floated into his mind. He looked around, startled. Possibly he was tired.

He had stayed so long that one might wonder whether he had forgotten his wife and children. He stayed not because he could not leave Komako nor because he did not want to. He had simply fallen into the habit of waiting for those frequent visits. And the more continuous the assault became, the more he began to wonder what was lacking in him, what kept him from living as completely. He stood gazing at his own coldness, so to speak. 

He could not understand how she had so lost herself. All of Komako came to him, but it seemed that nothing went out from him to her. He heard in his chest, like snow piling up, the sound of Komako, an echo beating against empty walls. And he knew that he could not go on pampering himself forever.

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